Dream Sharing

This morning, I woke up and realized that I had dreamed about my dead relatives last night. My whole family was throwing me a surprise party -- by whole family, I mean those living and those passed were there, and we were hanging out at my friend Vincent's house in his dining room, which is right off his kitchen, eating party snacks.

I remember specifically talking to my Uncle JT, who died a few years ago. (When I dream about my dead relatives -- my dad, my grandmother, etc., they're always dead in the dream. But they're there -- talking and having a good time and what-not.) Anyway, I was commenting to Uncle JT about how good he looked. And he said to me, "Don't you think I look a little like Uncle Tommy?" Uncle Tommy is dead, too.

It's nice to have these dreams, because it feels like a little bit of a visit from the after-life. They're letting me know they're ok.

All that's good and well, until Sam and I are emailing this morning and he tells me that he had a dream about Ganga (our grandmother, also passed) last night. They were just hanging out in the kitchen at a family gathering, chatting it up. As he was explaining the dream to me, he said, "I'm not sure where we were, but we were just standing there in a kitchen, talking."

I said, "You were at my surprise party. With the rest of the family."

It's a little freaky. In a good way. Dream sharing with Sam is a good thing.

Love a Preview, Love an iTune

Just previewing some of the new Dave Matthews Band album...one song, at least.

"American Baby"

If these walls came crumbling down,
Fell so hard to make us lose our faith,
From what’s left you’d figure it out,
Still make lemonade taste like a sunny day.

Stay, beautiful baby,
I hope you stay, American baby
American baby...

Nobody’s laughin' now,
God's grace lost and the devil is proud,
But I’ve been walking for a thousand miles,
One last time I could see you smile.

I, I, hold, hold on to you,
You bring me hope,
I’ll see you soon,
And if I don’t see you,
I’m afraid we’ve lost the way.

Stay, beautiful baby,
I hope you stay, American baby
American baby
American baby

I hold on, to you, you lift me up
And always will,
I see you in life,
Hope I don’t get left behind...

I, I, hold, hold on to you,
You bring me hope,
I’ll see you soon,
And if I don’t see you,
I’m afraid we’ve lost the way...

Stay, beautiful baby,
I hope you stay, American baby,
I hope you stay, beautiful baby,
I hope you stay, American baby,
American baby
American baby
Stay, American baby
Beautiful, beautiful...

Nobody’s laughing now,
Cause you could always make me laugh out loud,
Stay, American baby
American baby,
Stay, American baby,
American baby

Stress

I think I had a mini-panic attack, or anxiety attack yesterday. As I was walking Jack, taking him out to go potty for the last time before leaving for work yesterday, this overwhelming feeling of anxiety came over me. As I walked up the stairs, with every step, I said to myself, "Breathe...Breathe, it's all in your head." Upon arriving to work I noticed my hands were numb, a little tingly. Again, I told myself it was all in my head and that I had control over it. More deep breaths. This is how I medicate.

If I were to actually make one of my lists outlining all the things I have to do in both my personal and professional life, I don't think there would be a piece of paper big enough or enough ink to get it all down on paper. Some things, I've just had to let go by the wayside, like my personal hygiene, for example.

It's just going to be this way for a while. There is so much going on at work, and I'm thankful for it. I feel secure in my job, and that's important right now.

Stress makes me want to eat fast food. Whoppers, specifically.

Bob and Panic

I learned two things this weekend...That I don't like Widespread Panic, and I love a Belini. We headed out to the Arts Festival in Southlake late Saturday afternoon, entire family in tow. I had convinced my cousins to come along and see Bob Schneider play that evening, and I convinced them to let me take their 15 year old daughter to the Widespread Panic show after that. Same goes for Todd -- his family came and his little brother also wanted to see "Panic", as they say.

Well the entire time that we're at the festival, I can't quit talking about how excited I was about Bob and how much they were going to love him, etc., etc., etc. (I can go on about things sometimes. Nobody ever stops me?) I tried a frozen Belini and am in love with it. If you're coming to our wedding, I hope you like a Belini. I also ate some roasted corn on the cob and loved it as well, although I don't think it will make an appearance at the wedding. We'll be drinking, mostly.

Anyway. So Bob finally comes on. And he was by himself? Without a band. This isn't terrible in itself, but it was clear that he didn't want to be there. Poor guy. They had about ten rows of chairs set up in front of the stage (there was a country music chick singing before him, I just assumed they'd move those out of the way. Nobody sits down at a Bob Schneider show...?) Anyway, a bunch of locals came in and plopped down and watched the show. And that's all they did. Watched. I'm not even sure they were listening. I caught Bob checking his watch a few times.

There were entertaining parts -- his music is always good and I've never seen him like that before (although I prefer him in a bar with the bad and with the dirty words.) He had no idea where he was...he likes to integrate the town name into his songs sometimes...and he had no idea where he was. That was pretty funny. Then listening to some of his tunes where he oftentimes integrates some vulgarity or dirty words...and he couldn't...he actually stopped one time during a song and said, "They wrote me a letter. Told me I couldn't use any cuss words here because of the kids. I think the kids like the cuss words. It's the parents who don't. This is like cutting me off at the knees, this is what I do."

Poor guy.

So we head over to Widespread Panic. I could go into details about how that concert started (some teenagers were in our suite drinking our beer when they weren't supposed to, so security came in and ticketed everyone to make sure they were supposed to be there. Turns out the kids had tickets to the suite, but my friends who were hanging out up there with us didn't, and they got thrown out. They had been watching the kids walk in and out of the suite with the drinks...Joy.) Anyway, I don't know if it was because of this incident or if it was because my stomach wasn't feeling well...but I really didn't enjoy the concert. I wanted to like the music, but I couldn't. I left early and was giddy on the way home because there wasn't a car in sight, no traffic, no waiting. Smooth sailing.

So that was it. Other than that I got some shopping done this weekend, stuff for the wedding. A few checkboxes earned their checks this weekend, and it feels good to get some things done.

Hope everyone else had a good one.
Paz.