Thursday, March 30, 2006

You have to ask yourself, are you smart enough to be a parent?

This is really an embarrassing story. So of course I'm going to post it online for the entire Internet population to enjoy.

I've taken three pregnancy tests in the last 24 hours. Not because I didn't trust the responses I was receiving, but because I am an idiot and can't follow simple, illustrated instructions. Illustrated.

The reason this is so strange to me -- I've given probably 100 urine pregnancy tests in my lifetime - to patients at the doctor's office where I worked in college. But these new ones, they're tricky. They've got newfangled, fancy digital readings of "pregnant" and "not pregnant". There's a whole "plug in the strip-make sure the arrows line up-look for the light to blink-wait 5 seconds for this-wait 15 seconds for that-make sure it's lying flat-put your left leg in the bathroom sink-roll toilet paper around your wrists" thing going on. When you're tired and dying from allergies, this is too much to handle!

Thank goodness I bought the box that contained three tests, or I would have run out of options the first or second time.

I think, that even if you aren't sexually active, if you've never even thought about sex, that taking a home pregnancy test is the most stressful thing in the world.